The World According To Gop

The Republican Party strategist thought it was a wonderful coincident that his parents had named him Gop. GOP is, after all, another name for the Republican Party. GOP stands for grand old party, regardless of the fact that so many people now say the initials stand for “greedy old plutocrats.” The fact that he was named Gop allowed this Republican to name his political encyclopedia “The World According To Gop.” Here are some excerpts:

Articles and Definitions:

Business: The insurance companies, drug companies and other large corporations we really represent as opposed to the small businesses and people who think we represent them.

Deficit Spending: What liberals create with stimulus programs and such as opposed to the deficits we create by giving large tax breaks to the wealthy and getting into unnecessary wars.

Golden Parachute: Lucrative lobbying positions with the businesses we represented before our constituents finally figured out what we were doing to them.

Government Regulations and Programs: Pure evil. The government does not throw money at me. It does not contribute to my campaign or yours. The interests you and I represent do throw money at us, and they do not like regulations or government programs.

Liberal: Traditionally it means anyone favoring reform or progress. Now it means anyone who is more concerned with facts than beliefs. They will drive you crazy with the facts. They also want the rich to pay their fair share for the greater good. The rich do not like taxes, and they are the ones who have the money to support you and me. Always portray liberals as politicians who want to tax everyone to death.

Madoff: Originally the name of the man who ran a ponzi scheme that demonstrated the consequences of not enforcing even the most basic regulations. Some Republican senators are ignoring the fact that this lack of enforcement was typical of the Bush administration. Those clever senators are now accusing the Democrats of acting like Mr. Madoff by proposing a public health insurance option that would do the same thing that private insurance companies have been doing all these years. In other words, they are saying a government option would not provide the care consumers are purchasing and that the price of the care that is provided would rapidly escalate. This projection of the insurance industry’s behavior is a classic example of how to turn a double negative into a positive. Way to go guys!

Morality: The standard to which we hold our opponents while trying to hide or justify the transgressions of the members of our party.

Option: Forget the dictionary definition. Your constituents will not look it up or read the proposed legislation. Just tell them that if the government is involved in any way, shape or form, it is a government takeover or socialism.

Party Loyalty: We enforce party loyalty. We will tea party and primary any member of our party that will not join us in a filibuster. The Democrats appear to be too weak to do that to the insurance industry’s gang of four (Sen. Joe Lieberman, Con.; Sen. Blanch Lincoln, Ark; Sen. Ben Nelson, Neb.; and Sen. Mary Landrieu, LA).

Projection: Accuse your opponent of acting like you do. Your constituents believe all politicians are corrupt anyhow, and most people are inclined to vote for the whores they know.

Public Interest: Is whatever you say it is as long as you get re-elected.

Reality: It is only important if your constituents find out what it is. What is important is what your constituents believe or will believe.

Republican Health Care Reform: Allow the insurance companies to move to the state with the fewest regulations and consumer protections. Keep insurance companies exempt from anti-trust laws so they can continue to limit the consumers’ choices, and force everyone who is young and healthy to buy private health insurance coverage.

Republican Economic Solutions: Continue to enrich the rich and insist that they will make everything better.

Rich: The people we represent and hope to be.

Socialism: The bogyman we use to scare the gullible into thinking that any government regulation or program will result in the Government taking over every aspect of their lives.

Special Interest: Any person, company, or organization that supports our opponents.

Supply Side Economics: Tax breaks for the wealthy and large corporations who do not need tax relief and will not spend the savings on things that create jobs. They will invest those savings, however, and doing so will artificially inflate the price of stock thereby giving the illusion of prosperity. Appearance is always more important than reality.