Aboard the Trumptanic

Welcome aboard. Pity the poor crewman who told the Donald that the Trumptanic has sprung a leak.

“A leak you say? Nonsense, who says so?”

“The polls, sir.”

“Which Poles?”

“All of them.”

“No, it can't be all of them. That's like saying all Ukrainians love Manafort. Only some of them [presumably the ones who are ethnic Russians] say they love Manafort, and many of them lie about it. Believe me, I know Poles and they lie as much as the Ukrainians do!”

“No, sir. I'm not talking about the Poles I'm talking about the survey takers.”

“You mean surveyors! What the hell do they have to do with it? Believe me, I know surveyors. I've even stiffed a few of them, but I guess I shouldn't say that. Lets just say I got the best deal from them on my developments.”

“No sir. I mean the people who ask potential voters what they think of the candidates and who they intend to vote for.”

“Oh them. Can you trust them?”

“The last candidate who said you can't was Mit Romney.”

“He's an idiot! He doesn't even support me. I can negotiate much better deals than he can.”

“Yes, sir.”

The Donald had now turned red or at least ruddier than normal, and his protruding, pouting lips gave him a duck mouth. A decision now descended or ascended upon him, depending on your optical, theological, or ideological prospective. And he bellowed: “Damn it!” I'll do what got me here!”

“You mean on this iceberg?”

“I mean here!” The Donald shouted. “Full speed ahead! Push the damn iceberg out of the way!”

“We can't do that, sir.”

“The hell we can't. Get someone up here who will do it!”

And with that Paul Manafort was escorted off the bridge while Stephen Bannon was hoisted up to the bridge. It was a bit like replacing Yosemite Sam with the Tasmanian Devil.

But do not worry about Paul Manafort; if the worst happens there will be a place for him in a Trump administration, probably dealing with Putin and the Ukraine – he is so good at that, don't you know?